all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
