Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
