my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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