I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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