The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
