he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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