I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
