So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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