The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
