areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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