the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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