Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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