I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My life is pants optional.
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