So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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