This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You are the jesus of drinking
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
