Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
