I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
