I bet he comes in French.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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