My nipple is on Facebook.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
