Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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