Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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