I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
