my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
