Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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