Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
