After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
