Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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