Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
