She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
