I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
