Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Someone signed my nipple.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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