one might say we're banned from that church
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
