I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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