Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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