It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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