Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
