I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I died a long time ago.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
false alarm, still single
Randomize
