so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
