i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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