and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
