I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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