It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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