hotel room ftw
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
