I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
