"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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