Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
