the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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