That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
