If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
there is glitter all over my balls
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