Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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