how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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