who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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