I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
