this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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