It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
