im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
