He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
