Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They have beer where we have blood.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
