I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
