Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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